Chat with Peter Ragnar on Health and Longevity – with James Blacker
Thursday, October 19th, 2023
Peter Ragnar talks health, longevity and mindset. Peter is a world-renowned pioneer, author and speaker in the fields of life, health and spirituality, now enjoying – after many decades – what he describes as a lifestyle of quiet contemplation, solitude and silence.
It was once said of Peter; “I’ve often wondered how it would look if someone like Jack LaLanne or Anthony Robbins—whom I’ve always admired for their indomitable spirit, incredible self-discipline, and joie de vivre—became enlightened. When I discovered Peter Ragnar, I think I found out.”
This is a conversation that Peter and I had several years ago, around 2015, and I recently asked Peter if he was happy for me to share it with you, and so here we are.
In this conversation, Peter talks about the relationship between the mind, the body and health, outlines two different notions of personas and attitudes to health – each of which contain half of the full picture of an optimum approach to health, and even dips into philosophies around death, and how our relationship to the notion affects our health.
First, some housekeeping. Peter’s ‘Longevity Sage’ website is at; https://longevitysage.com/. This includes a link to his latest Kindle book, Finding Heart: How to Live with Courage in a Confusing World.
00:00 Greeting
00:22 Finding spring water in a cave
02:22 Strength for Life with David Heard
03:19 The Gift of Health
03:45 How long we can stay in a healthy state?
04:00 The 1-2-3 of Health and listening to the body
05:07 Integral Life Practice
06:05 Dr Myron Wentz and Sanoviv Medical Institute
06:35 Lifestyle, health and disease
06:55 Powerful subconscious effect over body’s energy
08:08 Unbridled mental activity eats up energy
08:38 How to harmonize mind and body?
09:04 Chi, Prana, Energy or Life Force
09:55 How can I stop ageing?
10:40 Bio electric body and biomagnetic force field
12:33 The liver and anger; a stormy personality
13:37 Forced behaviour and habits
14:25 Health for the 21st Century
14:53 ‘Martini Man’ Example
15:27 Why dietary discipline might not give health
16:23 Guilt and the ‘Food Police’
16:51 Combining mindset and healthy choices
18:25 Genetically Modified Organisms Foods
19:21 What foods Peter eats
20:00 Where does the fear come from?
20:48 Judgement, approval and health
21:50 Life expectancy around the world
23:17 A reason for being alive
23:51 Nothing to prove
24:53 Thymus Gland and stress
25:09 Fear of death and effects on health
26:54 Thoughts on reincarnation
28:00 You’re not in control
29:02 Little answers to big questions
James Blacker: Hello!
Peter Ragnar: Hey there, James, it’s Peter! How you doing?
James: I’m great, thanks. Yeah, I’ve got a great visual on you as well; I’ve not got one of those myself.
Peter: Your voice is very clear right now.
James: Excellent!
Peter: Yes. Good reception.
James: So how are you doing?
Peter: I’m doing good, doing good, just er… we were cleaning out a spring in another cave that I found and a fellow that works works for us, he he’s leaving for a few weeks here and so we had to take the opportunity to do it today if we were going to do it.
James: Right.
Peter: …try to get the water tested out of that spring. But it’s an interesting cave, we just crawled down into it, actually the three dogs ran into it and disappeared back in the tunnel.
But it looks like a really good place to get some excellent water, and that’s one of the really important parts of health, is making certain that the water that you drink is of the highest quality.
So, you know, it’s always good to find new springs, new sources of it.
James: Is that what you mean by when you say you’re testing the water then?
Peter: Well, we’re going to have it tested to make sure to see what’s in the water and make sure that there’s not… there are no glutens at all in there.
I don’t know how there could be, but it’s good to test it. And then the other thing you want to test the water for is the dissolved solids.
So, you know, what is the rate of dissolved solids that you have in the water.
Some of the waters, even the waters that you buy, some of the spring waters, have a lot of stuff in them.
They may be pure but they have a lot of minerals and so we want to check on that, and, you know, that’s also to see how alkaline or acidic it may be, even though some of the best springs in the world, or the most renowned healing springs, have high acidity, which is interesting, too.
James: Right.
Peter: So, anyway, we’ll see what we come up with here. So I listened to the little program that you did with your friend on… the little clip about physical immortality, that was interesting.
James: Oh, on the wisdom audios with David Heard, the Strength for Life one?
Peter: Yeah.
James: Yeah, that was fabulous. Yeah, I worked with him. He founded the National Rehabilitation Centre for the Paralysed after a visit to Moscow in 93; there was a guy called Valentin Dikul who was a high wire artist in the Moscow State Circus who fell and broke his back.
Peter: Oh.
James: Spinal cord injury. So David then went to Moscow with some students to find out what they did to use exercise therapy for paralysis rehabilitation so they founded the NRCP after that.
I worked with David then and I kind of had an idea that I wanted to do an audio series called ‘The Gift of Health’ back then, which would be; Exercise, Nutrition and then also Sleep came into it, and David said he really wanted to do the one on Strength for Life because… he’s similar to you, I guess, well, the same philosophy of attitude and no limits and… well, no artificial limits, and see how far it takes you.
Peter: Yeah. That’s what we’re doing, is pushing the envelope to see how long you can stay in a healthy condition and, you know, function optimally.
James: Yeah. So it was The 1-2-3 of Health which I came… David taught me to listen to my body, and after I did that for about four years, well I guess after about 6 months I started seeing that the mind would get in the way.
So listening to the body was all well and good, but sometimes I would not do what the body asked for because the mind’s got its own agenda and, you know, addictions with certain foods and such like.
So that kind of brought to together The 1-2-3 [of Health] which I discussed with him and said, you know, this listening to the body needs to be added to by differentiating between the needs of the mind and the needs of the body; that’s Stage Two.
And then Stage Three is that it’s all very well differentiating them if you [don’t] still allow your decisions and behavior to be those of the mind for the body, you know, where the mind hijacks the needs of the body; if you eat something because the mind’s hungry rather than the body’s hungry it’s not really what [the body] wants.
So the Third Stage kind of expanded into a whole area of personal practice.
And I come from the Ken Wilber area of Integral Life Practice; Mind, Body, Spirit and Shadow exercises.
But whatever it is really, it just seems to be whatever a person can do to get themselves in the state of being where the mind is calm and tamed and so the insights that you’re getting on what the body wants are actually being followed up, rather than ignored.
So I kind of… that really became my simple understanding of what brought health.
And I used to qualify it by saying approximately 95% of health, because I don’t know too much but it seems clear to me that there’s a chance that there are some diseases that are caused at birth and such like and couldn’t be necessarily totally perfectly defended from, simply by following The 123 of Health.
But by and large they could. I was working on the notion that…
There’s a guy called Dr Myron Wentz who founded Sanoviv [Medical Institute] on the Baja Coast, which is a medical facility that cures cancer and such like.
Peter: Sorry, what was that name, James?
James: Dr Myron Wentz.
Peter: Oh okay.
James: And I met him and watched one of his videos when he explained that a hundred years ago people were dying of Infectious Diseases; Tuberculosis, etc., and the doctors, at least in the Western World, the doctors have cured those and now people are dying of Degenerative Diseases.
And we’re kind of not meeting the doctors half way, because it seems to me there’s no cure for abdication of responsibility and not properly dealing with stress and overeating and, you know, a lack of emotional well-being that leads to all these things.
Peter: You know, that really has more power over the body than most people can appreciate, because even a lot of our motivation is subconscious; it’s not consciously accessed, and the part that is consciously accessed oftentimes is filled with a lot of stress, a lot of tension and even, you know, when people have time just to be able to sit.
But and let’s say they had nothing on the schedule; they feel rushed, they feel pressured that; “I gotta be doing something!”, and that sense that I have to be doing something burns up so much energy internally that could be used for your glands and your cellular structure and it’s learning to release all of those little… the little things that eat up the energy that we don’t even know that eat up the energy, whereas a lot of people’s subconscious is filled with these things that eat up energy.
And, of course, just mental activity of its own, which is essential in our world, if it’s unbridled, if it’s not controlled, it eats up a tremendous amount of energy that could be used by the physical body to keep it in an optimal state of health.
So there’s The Big Challenge.
James: Yeah.
Peter: How do I first access these areas that are not conscious to me?
How do I get them under control? How do I get my conscious mind under control?
And then how do I harmonize out with my body?
What do I do for my body that gives it the most amount of energy, the least amount of stressors, so it really basically is burning less energy?
And then have the mental reserve, having more energy than what you need.
So you put those two together and you’ve got plenty of Life Force, and basically, you know, depends on what methodology or philosophy you follow, this could be anything from, you know, you could call it Chi, you could call it Life Force, you can call it Prana.
I don’t care what you call it, it’s basically still energy and there’s ways of working with that energy.
And those are the things that I’ve found in my own research; how to work with energy; how to work with it mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually – and how to harmonize all those areas so they all balance each other and, you know, that comes down to lifestyle.
So people ask, you know, okay well, you know, how can I stop aging?
How can I get that level of health? How can I achieve the… those physical goals that I have?
And I say it’s all about lifestyle.
Most people don’t get enough sleep, they don’t get enough water, they have too much stress and they can’t control their thoughts.
James: Yeah.
Peter: And when we address those, James, and put them in the proper sequence and, you know; 1-2-3.
James: Yeah.
Peter: Work with them, then we have a program that people can use in their life and see how they can get to fit into it.
James: Yeah.
What I found was particularly fascinating, because I mean, the fourth thing you mentioned there was “can’t control their thoughts”, and your post on Facebook was talking about… the body is bio electric, the force field around the body is biomagnetic, and then…
but when the mind isn’t at peace that disturbs the clarity and as you said there, I think it’s static in the body.
Peter: Yep.
James: So if we think of… if we think of… I use the phrase ‘Life Force’, I also it’s just my terminology is to use ‘wisdom’ to mean the kind of peace of mind that comes when you don’t identify with objects.
So what excited me was that it was almost getting to the point where we could define… we could scientifically define ‘wisdom’, or even recognize it in a physical or electro-physical expression, because of it’s difference between two [theoretical] bodies; one of which has got a mind of wisdom and one that’s got a [mind of] turbulence.
So the static would be having some kind of electrical effect, rather, not just a…
Peter: Oh yep, it is bioelectric and that’s… and of course, whenever you have static electricity in the body and it shows up in the energy body around the physical, around the skin and, you know, that can be photographed.
And if then when the photographs are taken it shows basically clouds, like storm clouds, like, you know, you get lightning and thunder in your aura.
And whenever you have a repeat – a repeated episode of that, the areas that that static electricity shows up at creates illness.
As a good example, if you see some dark clouds over the area of the liver, you usually see a lot of red and dark colours, and what that indicates is that, you know, you got a stormy personality, there’s a lot of anger there, because the liver stores a lot of anger.
And I, you know, that anger just basically eats up the Chi or Prana or Life Force.
And that’s just, you know, that’s just one of the areas from traditional Chinese medicine – a lot of focus is put on the kidneys, which take in the gonads, the genital organs and all of the difficulties that men and women have with that.
There’s the seed of life that’s being diminished and, you know, the health issues that people have with that is tremendous.
But again it goes back to thinking, too.
James: Yeah. Yeah, and the other thing that I noticed, or I’ve concluded is that the importance of thinking is that people… they think – ironically – they think that they can improve their health without changing their thinking – just by trying to.
They will force themselves down the gym, they’ll starve themselves to get slim and they’ll think that works, and then 6 weeks or 6 days later the whole thing ‘elastic bands’ back.
Peter: Yep.
James: And they come back to where they are. But they do the same thing again and again and again.
Society doesn’t yet have a major, shared understanding that that doesn’t actually work; that the key to health, therefore, is at a deeper level than that of forcing behavior.
Peter: Absolutely.
James: So that seemed to me, when the notion came up of ‘Health for the 21st Century’, that really seemed to me as the crux of the message that I wanted to get across to people, was that very fact that society as a general has to look above the level of forcing behavior as a very clear principle.
Peter: Yeah, it’s as much a behavioural problem as it is a habitual problem and, you know, the classic example that you see many times – here you got a guy, he’s 105 years old and he smokes a cigar every day and has his Martini at 3:00 in the afternoon.
Now you have someone that’s on a raw food diet, they fast, they’re fasting, they’re taking supplements, they’re doing yoga or whatever it may be and they look like death warmed over.
And you say, well, how can that be?
How can one person seemingly do everything from a dietary perspective in error, and the other one doing everything supposedly correct: What causes that?
Well a very small part of that is genetics. But that’s a very small part of it.
A major part of it is the mindset.
The one person who has the bad habits is enjoying his bad habits so much he’s not worried about it, he doesn’t care what you think about him.
He says; “Hell, I’ve lived to be 105 years old, why should I care about what you think?”, “…judge me about what I eat”.
And that sense of freedom to be who he is contributes greatly to his longevity.
Where the other person is wrestling with guilt; “If I ate the wrong thing”, or “Maybe the food police are going to come and check on me and find that I’m not eating all the right things or…”
You know, or they’re so worried about their food being poisoned that it becomes poisoned. Even the best food becomes a poison when you’re worried about it being poison.
James: Yeah.
Peter: And so, you know, these are the two sides of the issue.
Now you take an individual who has the mindset, who is… really has come to know who they are.
They don’t care what you think. But they realize also that there is a way to eat that is healthy.
James: Yeah.
Peter: And they embrace that because, not because they have to, just because they want to.
And they do these things out of something that just brings them pleasure.
James: Yeah.
Peter: That person doesn’t age.
That person now maintains their vitality because it’s that balance point between these extremes, and they found it.
And then they’re content, they’re happy.
Now if you can teach that… if you can teach people how to come over to that balance point and get rid of their guilt, get rid of their compulsive obsessive disorders and basically screw their head on in a better way, you know, then you got something.
James: Yeah. So you’re saying that the Martini Guy has got half of the answers but you wouldn’t necessarily want to end there, you’d still want to balance that with the awareness of the value of certain foods and such like.
Peter: Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean you look at… you certainly don’t want to eat the foods that are genetically modified organisms. I mean, you know, there’s too much information about that.
There’s things you don’t want, you just don’t want to put in your body. But it’s not because you’re afraid of the foods, it’s just that you have found a better way to live.
James: Yeah.
Peter: And a great example, I mean, that I can eat, I eat out of my garden because the food tastes better; it’s more delicious; it’s tastier; I mean it satisfies you in a way that non-organic food can’t.
James: Right.
Peter: And so you make the choice because you want to make that choice.
And you know I was doing a seminar at one time and people were asking me about foods and I said; “I’ll anything – if I want to” and they looked at me strangely as though, “But you’re a… you’re a vegan, you’re raw, you’re… you eat raw food: What do you mean you eat anything?”
And I’d say if I thought it would improve my health I’d eat it.
James: Yeah.
Peter: Whatever it is.
James: Yeah.
Peter: That it’s not a religion. It’s a results [thing]…
James: Because the thing that always comes first is that whatever you do you don’t do it from a position of fear.
Peter: Say that again, James?
James: Whatever decisions you do make, you don’t make them from a position of fear!
Peter: Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, and so where does the fear come from?
The fear isn’t physical, though it shows up physically.
The fear first starts in the head. It starts with your attitude and what you expect other people may say.
In other words, will they like me? Will other people like me because I’m this way?
And this is why we join clubs, why we get into movements – we want friends, we want to be liked.
And if we don’t do what everybody else is doing maybe we won’t be liked! Ut-oh! You know, now you got the tension.
And if you can get out of that, break out of that, because everybody really loves someone who’s their own person.
James: Yeah.
Peter: That’s the crazy part about it – just be who you are and, you know, you’re free of judgement then.
But that’s the… that, by the way, is probably the worst thing you can do for your health, is to get into judgement – or be afraid of being judged.
James: Yeah. Yeah.
I know, I always found it with the… when people would talk about the guys who are 100 years old and smoked and drank and all that kind of thing, it always used to upset me – I mean that’s an exaggeration, but… because they would then hold that up as an example, saying; “Don’t worry about, you know, this food isn’t important and that food isn’t important”, but I could always see that it was an absolutistic view, that it was, it was only taking on some of the information rather than seeing the whole picture.
And, of course, what they were ignoring was that for every guy who gets to 100 smoking and drinking, there are another 99 in the morgue.
Peter: Yeah.
James: Or something like that.
Peter: So when you look in and you see that, you know, in the United States here, in America, you know, 77 years of age is the average age of mortality rate for men, and, you know, that’s ridiculous.
James: Yeah.
Peter: Of course, 100 years ago back in the turn of the century, was 47, which was ridiculous.
James: Wow, 47!
Peter: In certain countries like India, I think India is 54 or 56.
Some of the African countries, the average age is like in the 30’s – it was in Cambodia, I think, was like 37, 38, if I remember correctly.
But you know, also consider the stress that war and famine and, you know, tribal hatred has.
So it comes back to how your head is put on there; what you’re thinking, what are your fears, what are your hopes?
And that’s very important, too, you know, if you have a hopeful attitude, if you got things to do that excite you, and you have the freedom to do it you’re going to live a long time anyway, no matter where you are.
James: Yeah. Yeah, just because there’s a reason for being alive.
Peter: Exactly.
James: So the universe created you and merged with the universe you’ve got a purpose for it.
Peter: Right. And, you know, you don’t have to be obsessive about it. You can relax with it, you can say, “Hey, I’m my own person, I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to live the life that I want to live, that suits me.”
I mean you don’t have to do something great. You don’t have to push yourself, though sometimes it’s fun to do that.
You know, when you have nothing to prove you, you prove a whole lot.
Peter: Yeah, and doesn’t also, when you stop worrying about how you come across and all that kind of thing, also, I believe the shoulders relax, so the nervous system must be able to function optimally, rather than when everything’s held tight and together and constricted…
I’ve read that the the immune system is just a circulating nervous system.
Peter: Yes.
James: So if people, again, that’s yet another way that whether the thoughts are calm or not is going to be affecting that as well.
Peter: Yeah, whenever you’re stressed the Thymus Gland shrinks.
James: Right.
Peter: It could shrink half its size under high stress. And that controls your immune system.
So you basically dial down your immune system. Pretty simple.
James: Yeah, and we were talking about how essentially the key is just not fear, and so a subset of that, I guess, must be living – ironically – living without fear of death?
Peter: Yes!
James: Right.
Peter: Yeah. Absolutely. And that is the biggest thing… you see that’s… when you start talking about… when people talk about physical immortality, or, let’s put it this way, a more acceptable term is ‘Radical Life Extension’, you’re talking about radical life extension.
You will live long when you’re not constantly worried about dying.
James: Yeah.
Peter: And because to worry about death, or even have to prove something…
See here’s my objection to a lot of folks who accept this concept of physical immortality, that they’re trying to prove it.
That’s not something you prove, you just live long.
James: Yeah.
Peter: Just continue living.
James: That defeats the object, doesn’t it, because the whole… if the whole purpose of it is to enjoy the life, so if you’re proving it then you’re postponing the action of enjoying life.
Peter: Yes. And you’ll see, even on our Facebook site, that, you know some people are so touchy about it, because it’s become a new religion. It’s become their religion. That’s not my religion.
James: Yeah.
Peter: You know, if I meet death tomorrow then I can say, “Well, it’s been a good party, great, bye!” You know, I’m done. It’s not, it’s no big thing.
Because, you know, conscious awareness, the conscious awareness that you had when you came into this life – even though you didn’t know half the stuff or a fraction of the stuff that you know now – you still were consciously observing what was going on.
You get to the point where you go out of this body.
And here you could go back – possibly – into another body and you’re being born again and you’re looking …and you still have the same Consciousness.
The Consciousness… and that’s different from your mental state. You’re still conscious.
James: Right.
Peter: And now you start adding new experiences as a filter and then, you know, we go through the whole thing again maybe.
James: I’m fascinated by your use of the word ‘maybe’, because I was going to ask you, getting rid of the fear of death either happens one of two ways: Either you believe in reincarnation – or reincarnation as everybody, or you just don’t worry about it because you realize there’s no value to be gained from worrying about it and controlling what you can’t control?
Peter: Yep.
James: It’s the latter, right.
Peter: Yeah, you know, you’re not in control of it anyway, so don’t worry about it, to heck with it.
James: Yeah, so there’s only negatives to be gained from fearing death.
Peter: I mean, you know, you don’t need another life raft to try to hold on to.
And, you know, people will go from being raptured and taken up into the clouds to go to heaven, to, “Okay, well I have another body and now I’m reincarnated”, …
…and then other people worry; “Well, will I come back as a bug or will I come back as a bird?”, and hey, you’re here now.
James: Yeah.
Peter: You know, why create another religion, that’s only going to cause the same degree of anguish and discomfort as the more fundamental one did for you… you don’t need crutches.
James: Yeah. No distractions from pure being and pure consciousness.
Peter: Yeah. Being conscious… is your answer.
James: Yeah.
Peter: Your conscious awareness puts you in a place that you don’t need little answers to big questions.
And you’re okay, because the questions then dissolve and you’re no longer burdened by the questions.
James: Yeah.
Peter: You’re really free.
James: Yeah.
Peter: And because it’s not an issue, and because you’re not afraid, because you don’t have to fight for it, you can have it.
I stay, I personally I stay young because I don’t care whether I stay young. Yeah.
James: I think I do the same.
Peter: Yeah. I don’t have to prove anything to anybody.
Okay, well, we got a lot to think about and I’ll let you get to bed and I’m going go look for some supper here that my wife, Katrina, is fixing.
James: Excellent. Fabulous.
I know, because you go to bed at 8pm, don’t you, so me being up at what’s now quarter to 10 is rather curious.
I’m working on the changing the sleep hours and such like, but it’s kind of, I’m I’m kind of with the Martini Guy at the moment on that bit, I’ve got to not judge myself for it – as with a couple of things I eat, but it’s getting there.
Peter: Good, good.
James: Great stuff. Thank you for joining me tonight, it’s fabulous to talk to you, and please pass on my love.
Peter: I sure will. James, have a beautiful evening and it’s great talking with you.
5 Steps to Greater and Spiritual Self-Confidence
Wednesday, February 15th, 2023
The confidence you have is vital to the four big areas of your life: Mind, body, relationships and prosperity.
In this article I’m going to explain what confidence is, why it’s your birthright and therefore why it’s possible for everyone to claim it in full. I’ll then identify the one very simple, key action you can take to claim your confidence in any moment.
Having worked through this process for myself, and for other people, I’ve seen how certain cultural obstacles can prevent people from reclaiming their lost confidence. So I’m also going to share two key insights which help make the foundations upon which you can build your confidence.
So in this article we’ll sort of ‘reverse engineer’ back from what confidence is, to discover what the foundational bases for confidence are, and therefore what the blocks are, and how we might remove those blocks from our path.
It is for this reason that I’m going to present these five steps in the order 3, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. (If unusual counting is good enough for George Lucas and the Star Wars franchise, it’s good enough for me).
So, Step 3…
The first thing is to understand exactly what confidence is. And it’s very simple; confidence is the act of confiding in ourselves. It’s a simple moment of self-honesty.
If we really want to get clinical about the anatomy of confidence and lack of confidence, we can consider the conscious mind and the subconscious mind.
The subconscious mind holds all the information from all experience we’ve ever had – save that which may have been permanently destroyed by alcohol, etc. Yet the conscious mind doesn’t want all that information at one time, and can’t handle it anyway, and so the subconscious feeds the conscious mind what is required for the current moment.
Except there’s an exception.
The ‘unconscious’ – called ‘The Shadow’ by psychologist, Carl Jung – is that total of your own inner information which has been a threat to you.
This ‘Shadow’, the unconscious, is the gap down the back of the sofa! It is where some of your own truth and personality is lost, and thus it is pretty much the same thing as your lack of confidence.
But why would your own information and truth be a threat to you? Simply because someone at one time who had some power over you (physical, social, cultural, emotional, economic, religious, domestic) disapproved of it. It threatened their sense of self, or their sense of okayness, and so you had to disown it so as to not incur their displeasure, or worse, their rage.
If people hadn’t repressed you, or controlled, judged and conditioned you, why would you lack confidence?! Answer: You wouldn’t!
But if those people are no longer around, or no longer a threat, an obvious question occurs: Is it safe to reclaim that lost confidence?
We bury those parts of us that are dangerous for us to acknowledge about ourselves. This unconscious Shadow equates to your lack of confidence because it represents those aspects and truths about yourself that it hasn’t been safe for you to be honest with yourself about.
An example may be a gay young man growing up in a homophobic household in a partly homophobic society. It may literally be dangerous for him to be honest with himself about that.
So there, you see, we know our target (self-confiding) but we have a problem in hitting our target because someone has put a board in front of it.
This is actually the original meaning of ‘sin’, whose Pagan meaning is “to pick up your bow and miss your target” (page 95 of the Kissing Consciousness book).
That simple act of gaining confidence I promised above is to be honest with yourself. In fact, if we’re talking about you wanting to gain more confidence than you currently have then you are required to be more honest with yourself than you previously have been.
An increase in self-honesty is an increase in self-confidence.
But an increase in self-honesty is dependent upon an increase in self-acceptance, i.e. self-love.
Building confidence requires us to get any self-judgement there is out of the way first.
This may mean being honest with yourself about something you cannot do, either temporarily or permanently. Confidence is not competence. Therefore, confidence is not about telling yourself you can do something regardless of whether you can, as if that is some kind of self-deluding ‘positive thinking’. Confidence is about being honest with yourself if you can and honest with yourself if you can’t.
Here’s my 60 second guide to confidence;
So it’s simple, right, we just face everything?
Well simple does not mean easy, and many people – perhaps most people – aren’t always comfortable facing up to emotions and feelings.
In fact, as a life coach I know that lack of emotional capacity is the most common denominator for many of my clients. If I ask people to assess how comfortable they are with their emotions on a scale of one to ten, the answer is typically less than five, and often around two.
This is why I created the Kissing Consciousness concept of ‘Emotional Infinity’, to help people see how to create infinite emotional freedom.
Whether we consider emotions to be in the body and feelings to be in the mind, or the other way round, doesn’t matter. Forget the labels, ‘feelings’ and ’emotions’, we don’t need them. We can deal directly with the reality.
“The map is not the territory.” – Alfred Korzybski
There are only two places where feelings and emotions can arise – in the mind and in the body. So we need only concern ourselves with ‘events of the mind’ and ‘events of the body’.
If we allow whatever arises in these two vessels to arise, we have infinite emotional freedom.
But as we grow up we ‘learn’ how to be unable to cope with such things. We’re told we shouldn’t cry – one of the stupidest instructions in the world. People who are themselves uncomfortable with their own feelings tell us; “Don’t cry!”
Don’t cry, don’t shout, don’t scream, don’t vomit, don’t go for a run. What else have you been told you aren’t allowed to do as a natural way for your body to process the feelings and emotions which arise in it?
Your awareness is the sky and the feelings and emotions that arise in your body are like the weather. The sky doesn’t resist when it is filled with sunshine, or rain clouds, or thunder, and it is not natural for us to resist. It is learned conditioning. So the first thing to do is to liberate your body from all the ways it isn’t allowed to cope.
Then we come to the mind. Our responses to both ‘events of the body’ and ‘events of the mind’ are informed by the beliefs, attitudes and values we hold in our minds.
If a thought or feeling or emotion arises in the mind do we allow it to be there? Or do we judge it for arising, immediately creating a problem for ourselves?

Just holding an intention of allowing ourselves and our bodily reactions isn’t always enough; we may need to get deeper.
We can only face what arises if it is acceptable enough to us that we’re not too scared to face it, and that is often based on the culture that defines us. Where we have judgements about how things and how people “should be” then we have the potential to resist and fear our own thoughts if they are – or might be – in direct conflict with how we think we should be.
We have all kinds of different cultural programs and conditioning running in our modern world. You may get someone’s approval by serving the collective. You may get someone else’s approval by demonstrating your ability to excel beyond the collective, sacrificing it as you go (“look after number one”). You may get someone’s approval by agreeing with their values of equality – only to anger them by solving an equality issue without forming a committee first.
So who are you to be? Who are you allowed to be? Whoever it is, society wants to define it very tightly. No room for your true nature here; social constructs insist on shoe-horning you into small boxes – and boxes that contradict each other at that.
“Be a sensitive man!” “Be a ‘real man’ and forget all that sensitivity crap!” “Be a modern career woman – but spend 100% of your time at home as a housewife!”
Wisdom dissolves this prison by accepting, valuing and honouring your true nature.
To understand wisdom we can use the logical principle of ‘Subject vs Object’. In logic, a subject is defined as “that which is aware of an object”. Look at (or pick up) any of the objects around you. They are the objects and you are the ‘subject’ that is aware of them.
Wisdom answers the age-old question, “Who am I?”
Ask anyone who they are and they will start with such things as “My name is… I’m [insert age], I’m a [insert trade], this is my body, these are my thoughts and beliefs, I’m this person’s husband/wife, brother/sister…”
…but these are all objects. They’re miraculous, wondrous objects but they’re objects nonetheless. Who is the ‘real you’; the subject that is aware of all these objects?
Do you see? People define their subjective self by objects. And as Integral Philosopher, Ken Wilber, points out, that is a colossal case of mistaken identity on the part of almost the entire human race.
It’s also why he suggests we kind of have two selves; an empirical (or finite) self based on the mind and body, and a transcendental (or infinite) self which is not bound by these objects.
This can be further understood by the spiritual mantra; “I have a body but I am not my body. I have a mind but I am not my mind.”
It’s a big and deep topic that I can only touch on here, although if you’d like to delve deeper then see my free wisdom resource below. But the main takeaway I want this to leave you with is that this insight creates a little separation between your deeper self and all these objects.
That should loosen your identity such that you may have less – and at some point hopefully no – resistance to the contents of thoughts that arise in your mind.
Wisdom, therefore, allows you to shun the conflicting cultural concepts and deal with the reality of you instead.
In short, there is almost certainly an amazing you waiting to be reclaimed.
If you’re going to clear out the crud from the deep recesses of your mind then it’s possible you’re going to come ‘face to face’ with some pretty disturbing thoughts.
This wisdom will allow you to remain sturdy and composed while you observe and consider them.
“What is wrong with me that such a thought is in my head?” Well, you can be reassured by that reaction, because it proves that such a thought doesn’t reflect the truth of your character. If it did you wouldn’t be disgusted by it (see pages 263 and 306 of my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness’ and the section on ‘The Self-Disgust Principle’).
Spiritual wisdom allows rare individuals the freedom to process anything that arises in the mind without fear.
Other people may judge me, but in the privacy of my own mind anything is allowed. In other words, I have made my own mind a ‘Safe Space’.
And what makes that possible is the wisdom to see that I am what I am, and whatever I am is fine, and I don’t need to buy into any social constructs that may constrict that.
That’s confidence!
So with this new-found spiritual wisdom you have the basis to allow yourself to be open to all thoughts, feelings and emotions, and with that to ‘face everything, avoid nothing’.
That doesn’t mean you won’t feel pain, or unhappiness, or whatever. It just means you can develop the capacity to not feel the need to resist or avoid facing such things – and can therefore always live with confidence.
And this also lessens the suffering. As they say, Suffering = Pain + Avoidance.
This isn’t just greater confidence, this is what’s known as ‘Spiritual Self-Confidence’; an infinite capacity to confide in yourself.
And note the association between ‘spiritual’ wisdom (enlightenment) and ‘Emotional Infinity’. The quality of the infinite runs through both. The purpose of virtually all wisdom traditions has been to help people move from an understanding of their small self to an understanding of their big Self (capital ‘S’), their Universal Self.
Understanding your individual nature as an expression of the infinite loosens the shackles of your identity which may otherwise limit you.
As Tony Robbins observed thirty years ago, people feel the need to remain consistent with their identity, their sense of self. Well if that identity is infinite, isn’t, too, that person’s relationship with their own personality and potential? …and thus with their confidence?
We now have a basis for confiding in ourselves around any topic or feeling. But that doesn’t mean our unconscious Shadow baggage has magically just healed itself and disappeared.
All it means is we are in a really good place (mindset) to do that work.
If you aren’t familiar with Kissing Consciousness, we make things very simple by seeing each moment of life as experienced through a state of either self-acceptance or self-constriction.
We call these states ‘Love Consciousness’ and ‘Fear Consciousness’ respectively, and then notice how all other pairs of qualities such as confidence, fulfillment, living in the flow, choice, and their opposites – lack of confidence, frustration, stuckness, the illusion of choice, fill in under one or the other columns, thus;
Another way in which we bring this to life is with a concept I created called ‘Human File Permissions’. We were all born with only self-acceptance (‘Yes’ Permissions), yet the unconscious, the Shadow I mentioned above, essentially became the sum total of our ‘No’ Permissions.
Whenever we are about to do something, if we have a ‘No’ Permission around it, our subconscious remembers this, and – to keep us safe – finds a way for us to fail to do so. We experience this as self-sabotage, or something like that; lack of confidence.
The purpose of Kissing Consciousness is to help you turn your ‘No’ Permissions into ‘Yes’ Permissions… turn Fear Consciousness into Love Consciousness… so you can live your fullest and truest life.
You can read more about ‘Human File Permissions’ starting from page 60 of the Kissing Consciousness Handbook (and see the index for more page references).
There are two ways to illuminate and heal our Shadow and turn lack of confidence into confidence;
So how do we ‘hold presence’? I’ll embarrass myself; I’ll give you an example of my own.
There I am in the past, fully confident; relaxed, natural, in total control of what I am doing, and then an attractive woman enters the room and all that goes to hell in a handcart.
I was brought up with a ‘No’ Permission around being allowed to connect with women. So for me that was a trigger that changed my state from Love Consciousness to Fear Consciousness.
For other people, their ‘No’ Permission triggers may be different; maybe around money, so they get triggered when the bills come in, or around their body, so they get triggered if someone mentions the beach.
So anyway, in that moment I could either be a victim of my conditioning (if I didn’t understand what was happening), or I could choose to have a conscious response – ‘hold presence’ to the state of Fear Consciousness that arose in me.
And so, in the latter, what we’re talking about here is noticing that the mind has doubts, the body has a reaction, the heart rate quickens, maybe the palms get sweaty, etc. And instead of identifying with this reaction, we observe it as an object. We see it for what it is; a False Self conditioning, nothing to do with who we truly are.
And so maybe as our breathing becomes shallower we notice it and allow ourselves to breathe more deeply again – but without forcing anything, instead inviting the body’s nervous system to process and recover.
In our mind, we realise that we don’t have to identify with the nervous thoughts, we can just observe them as objects, and choose not to react unconsciously to them anymore.
That’ll do for now, I could write a million words here – come to one of my seminars if you want to go into this further.
You don’t have to wait for day to day experiences to trigger your ‘No’ Permissions.
People across the world have proactively engaged in Shadow work to help them reclaim their lost personality aspects and capacities. This is what I do with my clients and at workshops I run.
I even set up Kissing Consciousness so you can do this without me.
By using the following two-part question tool, whenever an energy of self-constriction arises in you, even if you can’t name it or define it, you may ask yourself;
1. Would you like to let it go?
And if so,
2. Ask your body if it would like to let it go?
You don’t even have to be in a ‘real’ situation. The brain – and the bodily nervous system that responds to it – can react all the same to imagination. (Imagine pouring vinegar on your tongue and see if you have a physical reaction). So I could have imagined asking a woman out, felt the nervous system reaction of my ‘No’ Permission, and processed it so I had tamed it, before asking out an actual woman.
You can make yourself and your awareness bigger than the ‘No’ Permission.
We can do this with anything. Right now, you can ask yourself to let go of any conditioning that wouldn’t allow you to earn x amounts of money.
What’s the trigger point for you? A thousand a month? A thousand a week? Ten thousand a month?
I’d better stop there or I’ll be writing for the next month, as I could go off on so many tangents, continue or expand this piece in so many directions.
I hope that helped you.
If you’d like to get more from Kissing Consciousness you can get the first two chapters of the Kissing Consciousness book for free here;
https://www.kissingconsciousness.com/chapters
You can buy the book here in both paperback and Kindle formats;
And if you’d like my one to one support with anything at all you can schedule a free coaching discovery call with me via this link;
https://www.kissingconsciousness.com/coaching
Thanks for reading.
Kindest,
James
Dating Coach Tips: Offer Your True Self
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021
“I Can’t Fall in Love with Your False Self!”
This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.
Whether we show up to a date as ‘smooth as silk’ or ‘clunky and tripping over our tongue’, we can always have a chance of making a connection as long as we at least show up sincerely and don’t intentionally try to put on an act or wear a ‘mask’, metaphorically speaking.
People may often be tempted to put on a fake persona that they feel may make them more attractive or more acceptable, but this actually makes it impossible for the person sitting opposite from you to be able to connect with you – because you’re not presenting you, you’re not offering them you – you’re offering them a false persona – someone who doesn’t exist. This is a key dating coach tip.
For example, if you have nerves and you relate that openly and honestly to the person you’re dating, at least that’s authentic and you’re communicating from Love Consciousness (your True Self). And in any case, maybe your nerves are really excitement in disguise!!

Are you trying to date or court someone from your Being, or from your self-judgement? Doing so from your self-judgement is the False Self. Whilst Conscious people might have every compassion for you, and won’t judge you for the fact that you’ve been conditioned through negative life experiences to hide your True Self, the False Self is not something that someone even has the chance to connect with.
People can’t authentically fall in love with your Fear Consciousness because it’s a False Self, and so it’s not real. For the other person it’s like being invited to shake hands with a ghost.
Now this doesn’t mean that we have to have healed all of our baggage, all our Fear Consciousness, before we can date or have a relationship. It just means we relate honestly where we are with that.
Indeed, in a Conscious Relationship, both parties will typically recognise the importance of doing ‘Shadow Work’ and will often both have more they wish to address, and so it can be seen as a (shared) work in progress or journey.
Whenever we want to return to our True Self and provide the other person with an authentic version of us they can interact with, we can do our usual thing and release our self-judgements. We can remember The Paradox of Love Consciousness: By having no resistance to being triggered into our False Self we begin the return to being our True Self.
Everywhere where you’ve tried to court and date people from your self-judgement, would you like to let that go?
And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?
Dating Coach Tips: Fear of Being Single
Saturday, May 15th, 2021
The following dating coach tip is a key one if you’re to live from genuine choice. As tough as it sounds, you have to be Willing to be alone forever in order to choose relationship for Love Consciousness reasons! If you’re not, then you’ve chosen relationship in order to try and avoid a fear, rather than to choose for love, from freedom. A ‘choice’ of relationship that’s driven by Unwillingness to be single is not Choice, but Fear Consciousness.
When you’re afraid to be single there’s always the potential that you’ll accept ‘any old relationship’ just to avoid being single!
A person who has no sense of fear of being single can exercise all the discernment they want.
Anywhere you have a fear of being single, would you like to let that go?
And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?
Anywhere you have a fear of being in a relationship, would you like to let that go?
And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?
How do you let go of fear of being single, or get beyond fear – any fear? Kissing Consciousness provides the tools to do that so that you have what we call ‘Emotional Infinity’ in order to face and heal what we call ‘The Elusive Emotion’. If you’d like my coaching help with this please give me a call.
All these principles that apply to dating continue to apply as we proceed in relationships.
If you’re presenting a False Self, that denies the possibility of authentic connection. If you’ve got fear of being single, you’re likely going to be interpreting things subjectively, rather than objectively, bending over backwards or walking on eggshells just to keep the relationship going, and perhaps not realising the degree to which you’re not speaking your truth.
A person with no fear of being single is much more likely to respond to a crap relationship with “Fuck that shit, I’m outta here!”, and so more likely to only accept good ones.
Anywhere you have self-judgements that you have to accept a love-starved or sex-starved, intimacy-starved or respect-starved marriage or relationship, would you like to let that go?
And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?
This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.
Dating Coach Tips: Nerves and ‘Butterflies’ on Dates
Monday, May 3rd, 2021
Here’s my dating coach tip for how to relate to our nerves. People talk about having nerves – ‘butterflies’ – on a date in the same way they might talk about something unwelcome.
If they really understood the positive quality and nature of them, though, and what the experience was prior to their learned habit of judging their nerves, they’d relate to them in a very different, perhaps completely opposite way, as something welcome and delightful, rather more like they’re having an energetic orgasm, or chocolate cake, or someone’s just given them a million pounds. It’s delicious. It’s the excitement of vulnerability.
“What if your nerves are really excitement in disguise?”
But before we get a chance to taste that we’ve already judged it, and so we don’t inhabit it, and so we don’t honour it as our Being. We experience it as a concept in our head rather than a dance in our skin and body.

Dating Coach Tip: What if your nerves are really excitement in disguise?
So rather than reject our nerves, or consider them unwelcome, maybe we can go with them, and allow them to be the excitement in disguise that they may really be!
Of course, if the body’s signals are alarm bells of a dangerous or disrespectful person, that is a different thing to Receive Awareness about.
This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.