Blog: Dating

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

“I Can’t Fall in Love with Your False Self!”

This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.

Whether we show up to a date as ‘smooth as silk’ or ‘clunky and tripping over our tongue’, we can always have a chance of making a connection as long as we at least show up sincerely and don’t intentionally try to put on an act or wear a ‘mask’, metaphorically speaking.

People may often be tempted to put on a fake persona that they feel may make them more attractive or more acceptable, but this actually makes it impossible for the person sitting opposite from you to be able to connect with you – because you’re not presenting you, you’re not offering them you – you’re offering them a false persona – someone who doesn’t exist. This is a key dating coach tip.

For example, if you have nerves and you relate that openly and honestly to the person you’re dating, at least that’s authentic and you’re communicating from Love Consciousness (your True Self). And in any case, maybe your nerves are really excitement in disguise!!

Are you trying to date or court someone from your Being, or from your self-judgement? Doing so from your self-judgement is the False Self. Whilst Conscious people might have every compassion for you, and won’t judge you for the fact that you’ve been conditioned through negative life experiences to hide your True Self, the False Self is not something that someone even has the chance to connect with.

People can’t authentically fall in love with your Fear Consciousness because it’s a False Self, and so it’s not real. For the other person it’s like being invited to shake hands with a ghost.

Your True Self is Honest About Where You Are Now

Now this doesn’t mean that we have to have healed all of our baggage, all our Fear Consciousness, before we can date or have a relationship. It just means we relate honestly where we are with that.

Indeed, in a Conscious Relationship, both parties will typically recognise the importance of doing ‘Shadow Work’ and will often both have more they wish to address, and so it can be seen as a (shared) work in progress or journey.

Whenever we want to return to our True Self and provide the other person with an authentic version of us they can interact with, we can do our usual thing and release our self-judgements. We can remember The Paradox of Love Consciousness: By having no resistance to being triggered into our False Self we begin the return to being our True Self.

Everywhere where you’ve tried to court and date people from your self-judgement, would you like to let that go?

And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?

Dating Coach Tips: Fear of Being Single

Saturday, May 15th, 2021

The following dating coach tip is a key one if you’re to live from genuine choice. As tough as it sounds, you have to be Willing to be alone forever in order to choose relationship for Love Consciousness reasons! If you’re not, then you’ve chosen relationship in order to try and avoid a fear, rather than to choose for love, from freedom. A ‘choice’ of relationship that’s driven by Unwillingness to be single is not Choice, but Fear Consciousness.

When you’re afraid to be single there’s always the potential that you’ll accept ‘any old relationship’ just to avoid being single!

A person who has no sense of fear of being single can exercise all the discernment they want.

Anywhere you have a fear of being single, would you like to let that go?

And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?

Anywhere you have a fear of being in a relationship, would you like to let that go?

And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?

Dating Coach Tip 2: How Do You Solve Fear of Being Single?

How do you let go of fear of being single, or get beyond fear – any fear? Kissing Consciousness provides the tools to do that so that you have what we call ‘Emotional Infinity’ in order to face and heal what we call ‘The Elusive Emotion’. If you’d like my coaching help with this please give me a call.

How This Relates to Relationships

All these principles that apply to dating continue to apply as we proceed in relationships.

If you’re presenting a False Self, that denies the possibility of authentic connection. If you’ve got fear of being single, you’re likely going to be interpreting things subjectively, rather than objectively, bending over backwards or walking on eggshells just to keep the relationship going, and perhaps not realising the degree to which you’re not speaking your truth.

A person with no fear of being single is much more likely to respond to a crap relationship with “Fuck that shit, I’m outta here!”, and so more likely to only accept good ones.

Anywhere you have self-judgements that you have to accept a love-starved or sex-starved, intimacy-starved or respect-starved marriage or relationship, would you like to let that go?

And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?

This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.

Dating Coach Tips: Nerves and ‘Butterflies’ on Dates

Monday, May 3rd, 2021

Here’s my dating coach tip for how to relate to our nerves. People talk about having nerves – ‘butterflies’ – on a date in the same way they might talk about something unwelcome.

If they really understood the positive quality and nature of them, though, and what the experience was prior to their learned habit of judging their nerves, they’d relate to them in a very different, perhaps completely opposite way, as something welcome and delightful, rather more like they’re having an energetic orgasm, or chocolate cake, or someone’s just given them a million pounds. It’s delicious. It’s the excitement of vulnerability.

“What if your nerves are really excitement in disguise?”

But before we get a chance to taste that we’ve already judged it, and so we don’t inhabit it, and so we don’t honour it as our Being. We experience it as a concept in our head rather than a dance in our skin and body.

Dating Coach Tip: What if your nerves are really excitement in disguise?

So rather than reject our nerves, or consider them unwelcome, maybe we can go with them, and allow them to be the excitement in disguise that they may really be!

Of course, if the body’s signals are alarm bells of a dangerous or disrespectful person, that is a different thing to Receive Awareness about.

This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.