“I Can’t Fall in Love with Your False Self!”
This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.
Whether we show up to a date as ‘smooth as silk’ or ‘clunky and tripping over our tongue’, we can always have a chance of making a connection as long as we at least show up sincerely and don’t intentionally try to put on an act or wear a ‘mask’, metaphorically speaking.
People may often be tempted to put on a fake persona that they feel may make them more attractive or more acceptable, but this actually makes it impossible for the person sitting opposite from you to be able to connect with you – because you’re not presenting you, you’re not offering them you – you’re offering them a false persona – someone who doesn’t exist. This is a key dating coach tip.
For example, if you have nerves and you relate that openly and honestly to the person you’re dating, at least that’s authentic and you’re communicating from Love Consciousness (your True Self). And in any case, maybe your nerves are really excitement in disguise!!
Are you trying to date or court someone from your Being, or from your self-judgement? Doing so from your self-judgement is the False Self. Whilst Conscious people might have every compassion for you, and won’t judge you for the fact that you’ve been conditioned through negative life experiences to hide your True Self, the False Self is not something that someone even has the chance to connect with.
People can’t authentically fall in love with your Fear Consciousness because it’s a False Self, and so it’s not real. For the other person it’s like being invited to shake hands with a ghost.
Your True Self is Honest About Where You Are Now
Now this doesn’t mean that we have to have healed all of our baggage, all our Fear Consciousness, before we can date or have a relationship. It just means we relate honestly where we are with that.
Indeed, in a Conscious Relationship, both parties will typically recognise the importance of doing ‘Shadow Work’ and will often both have more they wish to address, and so it can be seen as a (shared) work in progress or journey.
Whenever we want to return to our True Self and provide the other person with an authentic version of us they can interact with, we can do our usual thing and release our self-judgements. We can remember The Paradox of Love Consciousness: By having no resistance to being triggered into our False Self we begin the return to being our True Self.
Everywhere where you’ve tried to court and date people from your self-judgement, would you like to let that go?
And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?