Author Archive

Real Life: Your Awareness Trumps Your Beliefs and Your Conclusions

Saturday, July 31st, 2021

In my June column I explained that ‘conscious living’ is our ability to be true to ourselves; the only sensible measure of true success that there is. I’ll now explain why awareness, rather than  beliefs, is key to that.

You may have heard the Chinese saying that: “He who chases two rabbits catches neither.” Oh, that’s sounds really wise! Yes, I’m going to commit that to myself as a belief system! Well done me!  After all, I don’t want to dilute my focus! Here’s another proverb: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!” Oh yes, that’s really wise, too! After all, if one ‘egg’ has a problem I’ve still got the others to  fall back on!

Hang on a second! I’ve just realised that those two proverbs contradict each other. They are complete opposites! And pretty soon I’ll realise that virtually all pieces of advice have opposite versions.  I now realise that I can’t just rely on my belief systems to run my life and make my decisions for me, I have to use my own skill and judgement to assess what’s really true for me in each given moment. And it’s this insight which led Rikka Zimmerman to this profound piece of wisdom:

“What if you can trust YOU but you can’t trust belief systems?”

Yeaaaah!!!!! What a fantastic insight! If you rely on belief systems, they can always let you down because they are only concepts that represent reality, not reality itself (‘the map is not the territory’). But if you commit to always trusting your own knowing – that ‘knowing’ that you have when you stop justifying your beliefs and conclusions, and instead communicate openly with  yourself – then you have the ultimate protection from tripping yourself up! What is justifying? It’s when you know something to be true, but aren’t ready to admit it to yourself, and so you tell  yourself an overly intellectualised story that justifies going against your own true ‘knowing’, your own inner wisdom. In Kissing Consciousness, justifying is an expression of Fear Consciousness.

So, we need a new relationship to beliefs in which we hold them lightly, rather than lock them in as conclusions, which are an inhibitor to living from awareness. At first, this may be unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but with practice we can nurture and develop our natural ability to make decisions for ourselves and strengthen that capacity. There is no crutch this way, nothing to rely on, but for those who choose this way of life the rewards are a ‘real’ life. This is the choice of conscious living!

“Let it go…, let it go…” she sings. But how?

Thursday, July 15th, 2021

As Queen Elsa sang in Disney’s Frozen, the concept of ‘letting things go’ has become a norm in our culture. In my last column I promised to explain how to ‘let it go’; now it’s time to deliver.

WHAT? If we’re going to master ‘letting things go’ we need to understand what it is we’re letting go of – and where it is. When we ‘hold onto’ something it’s because we have some form of fear or discomfort around the issue. This makes us feel the need to control the situation, the outcome. We get attached to something, and feel resistance to the opposite, because we’ve been conditioned to feel that some things are not okay.

So, we’re letting go of what I call ‘Fear Consciousness’, which is always a falsehood. You can’t let go of something that’s true, but you can let go of your attachment to it – or your resistance to it. You may be a great painter but fear losing the talent if you’ve been told you’re useless without it. You may be of a certain political or sexual persuasion but fear admitting it to yourself if your family is  against it.

WHERE? Science has shown that when people oppress us such that we have to suppress – bury – aspects of our true personality, it doesn’t just create a ‘wound’ that exists in the unconscious  mind, it also resides in the body, in the nervous system. So, if your elders repressed your natural capacity to become a millionaire, it’s not just the mental beliefs of that possibility you need to reclaim, you also have to release the constriction from your nervous system and also reclaim – step back into – the body, the physiology of a person willing to receive their millionaire potential…  which is actually pretty much everybody. So, we need to let go of a false sense of self… from our unconscious mind and from our body.

HOW? Ten years ago, I wanted to both quit my job and engage with a famous author I’d met online, called Peter Ragnar. But I had fear of becoming homeless, plus shyness about interacting with ‘famous people’. So, I just asked first myself, and then my deeper, subconscious mind and my body (same thing), to let go of those fears, and a couple of months later I simply found they had gone. I quit my job and had a great chat with Peter, who’s since written to compliment my book. Kissing Consciousness calls this ‘Passive Letting Go’ – ask yourself and your ‘Subconscious Bodymind’ to let go of something and then just let the request run its course. You can literally ask your body; “Body, would you like to let that go?” With ‘Active Letting Go’ you ask questions just the same, but you intentionally stay present to the mental, emotional and physiological resistance that typically arises as a result of challenging that historical oppression. Staying present means we allow the  feelings to arise without either avoiding them or chasing after them. This act of acceptance integrates them back into our authentic self.

Your Resourcefulness, Your ‘Conscious Score’ and Your Two Lives

Thursday, July 15th, 2021

Is it fair to say life is challenging at the best of times? And now the pandemic has come, life is even more a matter of survival – not just directly from the disease, but economically, psychologically…

Every one of us has an invisible ‘score’ for how conscious we are. Please don’t buy into any notions of conscious living being something flowery for spiritual types, because it is actually one and the same as your own capacity to be true to yourself. ‘Conscious’ just means aware of what is motivating us and driving our actions in a given moment.

When people judge and scold us – usually as children – we shut off parts of our true selves and instead unwittingly take on a false self role in order to gain their approval. This becomes the  unconscious’ – a ‘bag’ in which all the unacceptable parts of ourselves are repressed.

If you imagine a cross-section of society, some people will be brought up in a very loving manner, with a kind school culture and an empowering community environment. These people may have ‘Conscious Scores’ of eighty or ninety percent or maybe more. For these people, they are rarely ‘in their head’, find life relatively easy, are almost certainly comfortable in their own skin, and probably wonder what all the fuss is about.

Contrast that with a child who is brought up by abusive parents, an authoritarian school culture which psychologically beats them down and a community that relentlessly manipulates them (perhaps for profit, e.g., incessant television advertising) and you see an adult emerge who may be lucky to be even thirty percent ‘conscious’; unable to be more than thirty percent true to themselves. This is a major inhibitor to living, and even more of a disadvantage when a global pandemic strikes! Where is the emotional and psychological resiliency? Their capacity to tap into their own natural resourcefulness will have been hugely compromised.

Everyone has a ‘conscious score’ between these two extremes. If we then imagine a life in which we had known nothing but unconditional love and acceptance for who we are since birth – domestically, socially, environmentally, culturally – we would be one hundred percent conscious, one hundred percent true to self, with access to one hundred percent of our innate resourcefulness. We would also be unrecognisable from the people we see ourselves as now. Yet this is the more real ‘us’.

The good news is that we can reclaim every last bit of that. Kissing Consciousness is all about closing this gap; helping people to close the gap wherever they wish to. In the next article I’ll show you how, but before then you can also listen to this recent, fifteen-minute radio interview I gave explaining all of this context in more detail. Listen in at www.kissingconsciousness.com/discovering-magazine
Email: contact@kissingconsciousness.com or call 02045 165 091

You, Me and Discovering: Welcome to The Adventure of Kissing Consciousness

Thursday, July 15th, 2021

Hello! I’m James and I’m thankful to Discovering Magazines for inviting me to connect and share with you through this new column. I’m very excited about what you may get out of it.

I’m the founder and author of Kissing Consciousness, a conscious living movement, and I’ve near-perfected the art of helping people to release the conditioned, and therefore false, limitations, self-judgements and self-constrictions that we pick up on life’s journey. Uncover those and you’ll shine like a beacon.

Although you were born without any sense of any need for self-limitation, this life has set us all our own personal ‘portfolio’ of what Kissing Consciousness calls ‘Human File Permissions’; other people shape us to make us feel parts of us are, or aren’t, allowed. This can be anything big from whether we feel free to pursue the career (or lover) of our choice, to whether we can receive a  compliment without blushing.

As well as releasing self-constrictions we’ll also learn some fascinating insights around human nature: Emotions don’t need to be scary in the way we’ve been led to believe. Confidence is nothing to do with being loud, it’s merely honest self-confiding (the clue is in the name; confidence). Genius is available to anyone in any given moment. Stress is impossible without self-judgement creating a conflict with our ‘truth’. Positive thinking is basically just the absence of negative thinking.

The key to all of these is the removal of self-judgement and self-constriction. Self-judgement stops you being honest with yourself (confidence) because the judgement implies you ‘shouldn’t’ be a certain thing. It prevents your ever-available genius because it makes you second-guess yourself. It is the negative thinking that impedes what KC calls ‘Positive (Not) Thinking’. And self-judgements make us fear emotions because the notion of how we ‘shouldn’t’ respond to them (crying, shouting, running) creates anxiety around facing them.

At any time, these life skills are essential not just for surviving but also for thriving; the real mark of health and wellbeing. Throw in this COVID era, which is basically global system failure’s ‘sequel’ to the 2008 global financial crash, plus many other system failure challenges like extreme wealth inequality and mental health pressures, and the value of optimising our self-acceptance, resourcefulness, emotional strength and mental health support is obvious. So, I look forward to sharing with you again and imparting more insights.

Oh yes, the name! It’s from the acronym, ‘Keep it simple, stupid’ (KISS).

Life Coaching Tip: Improving Your Odds of Avoiding Cancer and Other Diseases

Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Yesterday’s coaching tip that I shared was about the possibility that one in two of us getting cancer in our lifetime doesn’t have to be a reality for us, despite the fact that that’s what’s been predicted simply based on the past, and we can actually impact that and change that statistic and turn it around.

So this coaching tip will have to look at the ‘how’, or we’re going to start to look at the ‘how’, because there’s hundreds of things that we can do that I would suggest relate to cancer, and the first thing is to understand that cancer and heart disease are degenerative diseases. We don’t really die of infectious diseases like influenza and tuberculosis anymore, certainly not in the Western World.

So then we have to look at why are one in two of us getting cancer? And this is really about the assault on our cells. And it’s also about why I mention Neoliberal economics, the global model that we’ve been living under for the past 40 years, because that is sociopathic by design, as I’ve mentioned. It doesn’t really take into account people or planet, as you might have noticed we’re destroying the planet. It’s purely concerned with shareholders. What that’s meant is that there hasn’t been effective regulation to care properly about you; you and I, and the kind of things we’re consuming.

In 2002, I was with Dr Myron Wentz, the founder of Sanoviv Medical Institute, and he was sharing statistics on how food is the primary cause of cancer, followed second by smoking, and of course all those who smoke are probably eating the same diet that the rest of us are eating – modern diet being processed foods and particularly highly processed foods… are going to be an assault on the cells. And, of course, things like alcohol are as well.

But also, it’s not just about the foods and what we eat and what we drink, it’s a wider toxic environment, so… I’m going to give you an example here. This is something that I use because I was concerned about the aluminium in deodorants …not to mention the fact that they block the pores up. So I got myself some aluminium free deodorants – there’s one called Pit Rock there’s a roll on there, and this is just a spray. But unlike conventional sprays you don’t choke on it the moment you just spray it around the room – you know, that kind of effect that you get. But more particularly it’s kind on the body and my body was certainly delighted when I started using that product. And that applies also across things like toothpaste; are you aware of what toxic metals are in conventional processed toothpaste that we use? What about the metals in the shower water that we’re showering in, the drinking water that we’re drinking?

Then you’ve got pollution in the environment, of course, we’re breathing polluted air from car fumes and all those kind of things. So it’s basically, as I see it, as a numbers game for the cells, and so this is why we need to move beyond the Neoliberal, the conventional society which just produces these products and doesn’t really care too much what effect they have on people as long as it creates a profit for the shareholders, and start to proactively become aware of what we actually imposing upon our bodies.

And we’ve seen recently the case with Johnson & Johnson, the unfortunate ladies who saw a link between their ovarian cancer and the asbestos in the talcum powder that they were using. So unfortunately if we want to avoid these kind of consequences we have to be proactive to find out what’s out there and what’s going on.

Life Coaching Tip: Will One in Two of Us Get Cancer?

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

In this life coaching tip video, Kissing Consciousness founder, James Blacker, suggests that the claim that “one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetimes” is actually a mere prediction based on what would happen if we – i.e. the human race – do nothing to respond to the fact that our current behaviour is self-destructive.

Transcript: Life Coaching Tip: Will One in Two of Us Get Cancer?

Hi everyone, James Blacker here, Founder of Kissing Consciousness with a life coaching tip for today – quite a heavy topic you may have seen recently a TV advert statistic coming out saying that in in our lifetimes one in two of us will get cancer.

What do they really mean by that? They actually don’t mean that one in two of us will get cancer in our lifetimes. What they really mean is that if we take the statistics of what’s happened up until now and we continue doing the same things and we project them forwards and assuming that nothing else changes, then based on what’s happened in the past what will happen in the future is that one in two of us will get cancer.

Now that’s basically you and your partner isn’t it, let’s think of it that way, one in two people. Is it acceptable to you that you get cancer? Of course it’s not. Is it acceptable to you that in order to avoid you getting cancer your partner gets it? Of course it isn’t. So that leaves one option; and that is that we change whatever it is that we’re doing that’s causing such high degrees of cancer, and the same goes for heart disease as well. You’ve seen these things; one in two die of heart disease, one in three die of cancer, and different stats for the United Kingdom and the United States and they change over time. A decade ago they would be slightly different, but that’s basically the ballpark.

But that statistic that one in two will get cancer in our lifetime; that presumes that human beings have no capacity whatsoever to recognize a self-destructive behavior and change it. But of course that’s what we have to do. If we want to avoid these horrible statistics we have to buy out of the conventional systems and ways of living that we’re currently doing and find what it is that we need to be doing differently, and do that.

So i’m not going to go into all the details of the specifics of various things, but that’s the the overall message of today, is that we need to start finding out what they are. Anything that’s conventional is going to get conventional results, so we have to look at what’s different to that and that will certainly mean that we start listening to our bodies, but it’s also going to be looking at the fact that for the last 40 years we’ve been living with a global economic model which is literally sociopathic by design.

Neoliberal economics has been designed so that the only thing that matters is shareholder, bottom line return on investment, so employees don’t matter, consumers don’t matter, standards don’t matter, all these kind of things. So the first thing is to understand that that’s the world that we live in. Then we have to opt out of that to the degree to which it’s causing these this horrible health diseases – the kind of statistics that we’re talking about – if we want to have something different happen over the course of our lifetimes.

Dating Coach Tips: Offer Your True Self

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021

“I Can’t Fall in Love with Your False Self!”

This dating coach tip comes from my book, ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement‘.

Whether we show up to a date as ‘smooth as silk’ or ‘clunky and tripping over our tongue’, we can always have a chance of making a connection as long as we at least show up sincerely and don’t intentionally try to put on an act or wear a ‘mask’, metaphorically speaking.

People may often be tempted to put on a fake persona that they feel may make them more attractive or more acceptable, but this actually makes it impossible for the person sitting opposite from you to be able to connect with you – because you’re not presenting you, you’re not offering them you – you’re offering them a false persona – someone who doesn’t exist. This is a key dating coach tip.

For example, if you have nerves and you relate that openly and honestly to the person you’re dating, at least that’s authentic and you’re communicating from Love Consciousness (your True Self). And in any case, maybe your nerves are really excitement in disguise!!

Are you trying to date or court someone from your Being, or from your self-judgement? Doing so from your self-judgement is the False Self. Whilst Conscious people might have every compassion for you, and won’t judge you for the fact that you’ve been conditioned through negative life experiences to hide your True Self, the False Self is not something that someone even has the chance to connect with.

People can’t authentically fall in love with your Fear Consciousness because it’s a False Self, and so it’s not real. For the other person it’s like being invited to shake hands with a ghost.

Your True Self is Honest About Where You Are Now

Now this doesn’t mean that we have to have healed all of our baggage, all our Fear Consciousness, before we can date or have a relationship. It just means we relate honestly where we are with that.

Indeed, in a Conscious Relationship, both parties will typically recognise the importance of doing ‘Shadow Work’ and will often both have more they wish to address, and so it can be seen as a (shared) work in progress or journey.

Whenever we want to return to our True Self and provide the other person with an authentic version of us they can interact with, we can do our usual thing and release our self-judgements. We can remember The Paradox of Love Consciousness: By having no resistance to being triggered into our False Self we begin the return to being our True Self.

Everywhere where you’ve tried to court and date people from your self-judgement, would you like to let that go?

And would you like to ask your body if it would like to let that go?

 

Life Coaching on Bucks Breakfast Radio

Thursday, May 27th, 2021

Pippa Sawyer: You’re listening to Bucks Breakfast. That was Goldfrapp and ‘Ooh la la’.

Now, my next guest, James Blacker, is a life coach and healer of trauma, and after the twelve months we’ve had as a nation, or as a global community, I’m sure we all need a little bit of healing, whether it’s our mental health, whether it’s our direction in life, our career choices, our choices in love or what we do with ourselves in our spare time. There’s just so much to talk about here. But let’s just introduce James first of all, good morning, sir!

James Blacker: Hi Pippa, how are you?

Pippa Sawyer: Yeah, not bad at all. Thank you very much for joining me. You’re written a book called ‘Kissing Consciousness’ and it’s about the two states of being which all humans alternate between. Can you expand on that, just explain what you mean by that?

James Blacker: Yes, certainly. So if we think of our life starting from birth, I mean when we’re born we don’t actually have any particularly well-developed mind at all, but after a certain age of around two years old we do have a mind that we kind of have associated as our own, but it has no sense of limitation to it.

Limitation is something that comes afterwards, and often comes through various experiences that we have where parts of ourselves are considered unacceptable to those around us, and so we learn that it’s not safe to show them.

And so this is where we get these two states of being: A person who’s brought up with a lot of unconditional love will probably become an adult with lots of confidence quite naturally, without any effort.

But those who’ve had various challenges, or been told they’re useless, or they’ve had trauma or anything like that, they’re going to find that quite difficult, so they develop this second state of being that we’re talking about.

So you’ve got on the one hand self-acceptance, and on the other something that’s somewhere between self-judgement and self-constriction. And so, of course, that’s how that develops, through various experiences, and so what we want to do is get rid of the self-constriction and help people get back to self-acceptance.

Pippa Sawyer: Okay, so self-constriction, then, would you describe that as a self-defence mechanism? Are we trying to protect ourselves from going through that hurt, that pain again that we suffered earlier in our lives, is that it?

James Blacker: Absolutely. What’s happened is we’ve learned that whatever that part of our personality is, or our interest, we’ve learned that it’s not safe to show that! Somebody has chastised us for it, or it could be in more stronger terms they’ve given us the message that it’s not acceptable to show that.

And so yes, as part of our survival mechanism a deeper part of us that perhaps we didn’t understand at the time puts it in a kind of a box for us, so that we forget about it and it becomes what’s known as ‘the Unconscious’. And so yes, shut away for safety reasons.

Pippa Sawyer: Okay, okay, and actually the conscious or unconscious bit is the key, isn’t it, because we don’t realise why we’re exhibiting these behaviours and why we sometimes bring upon these things onto ourselves which stop us from moving forward.

James Blacker: Yeah, that’s right. There’s a difference between the subconscious and the unconscious, and we’re all familiar with the subconscious as that thing that regulates our body for us without us thinking about it, or when we’ve driven down a country lane for five miles and we’ve realised we weren’t paying attention; something else was driving – that’s the subconscious.

But the unconscious is a different thing. It’s the unacceptable bits, and as you say that kind of creates what’s kind of like an invisible force field that stops us being true to ourselves in those specific areas.

Pippa Sawyer: And can it be fixed, James, this is the key?

James Blacker: Yeah, absolutely, that’s the point of my work. Essentially, to fix it what you’re doing is you’re reversing the process of what happened in the first place.

So when these… let’s say you have a mini trauma event that you find that some aspect is unacceptable, what happens is there becomes a change in the psychology that you kind of forget that part of your personality or you bury it.

But science has also shown that that effect happens in the nervous system, as well, in the physiology of the body. So there are two places that it happens, and so in order to reverse that, essentially what we’re doing is we’re reversing those two experiences, those two actions in the body.

So they were put into the unconscious – and we need to use our conscious awareness to bring them back out again. And that’s all assuming that it’s safe. So let’s say the person who was constricting you has now moved on, you’ve… whatever, you’ve got a new home, you’re now an adult and what have you, then perhaps it’s safe to start looking at things to actually reclaim them.

Pippa Sawyer: And I guess that could be quite a painful process, so how do you guide and help people through that?

James Blacker: Well the first thing is that everything seems to come down to emotional intelligence and emotional freedom to be able to handle whatever happens, so the first thing would be to teach people that whether we call them emotions or feelings, they’re either happening in the body or in the mind.

So if we are unconditional with the body we allow it to deal with emotions and feelings however it wants to, whether that’s screaming, crying or going for a run, or whatever.

Then if we also don’t judge ourselves for what might happen to pass through our thoughts, then we allow a kind of freedom in both mind and body, and so we don’t have any resistance, necessarily, to what’s occurring in our emotions and our feelings.

So it’s not necessarily the emotions or the feelings that are the problem, but most of people’s difficulty is the resistance that they have to those emotions and feelings which creates a kind of a tension.

But actually if they can flow with them then there’s a sort of different experience to actually touching base with them.

Pippa Sawyer: Yeah. It’s interesting that you talk about the physical body, because, I think we’re all aware that we have constricting thoughts and so on around different scenarios and situations, but to understand the physicality of it – talk us through that.

James Blacker: Yeah, okay, so what we call this is ‘Unlocking the Moment’ or ‘Unlocking the Consciousness’, because you’re getting back from what Kissing Consciousness calls a ‘No’ Permission to a ‘Yes’ Permission.

Now the problem if you only do that intellectually is you only half-unlock the Permission. So you kind of have an intellectual sense that you ought to, in theory, be able to allow yourself to achieve or pursue whatever it is, or step into that, but the physiology doesn’t support that.

So as much as people talk about having a millionaire mindset, or a mindset for a great relationship, that’s only half of what you need. You also need the physiology to go with that.

And you can imagine somebody who has an intellectual understanding of their freedom to ask somebody out on a date, but if they don’t have the physiology to go with that they’re stumbling their words, they’re coming across… whatever… they start sweating the moment they start talking and all that kind of thing.

So you do need the physiology to actually complete the unlocking and regaining of all of what was lost before.

Pippa Sawyer: Yeah. You work as a coach, James, so you’re working one-to-one with your clients, and obviously all of that work is confidential and needs to be anonymous, but can you give us an example of somebody that you’ve worked with or a situation that you have managed to unlock and resolve?

James Blacker: Ah yes, tricky one, pretty much across the board. As you say, it’s tricky with the confidentiality thing. The big three things that people have issues around are money, relationships and their body.

So over time, whether one to one’s or in group sessions, I’ve worked with people who have released blocks to all of those.

So in relationships, the big thing is often, let’s say the man goes into fear around the relationship, he goes into attachment to the relationship, attachment to the woman, and develops a fear of loss.

And so that fear of loss becomes a kind of a vicious cycle that becomes needy and unattractive and all that kind of stuff – and then makes it more likely that the woman would become disinterested.

So that’s one example there that you have to reverse that paradox and get people into a state where they’re operating form their confidence and their fearlessness.

Pippa Sawyer: Yeah.

James Blacker: And then with health, often, with health because of these things, because they do exist in the physical body as well, that can be, depending on what the health issue is, but if it’s caused by these self-constrictions then that can unwind the body.

So if you imagine a constricted psychology and a constricted body that goes with it, that’s not necessarily an enjoyable thing for the body; it’s tight, it closed down, hunched shoulders, all that kind of thing.

So actually if you invite the release there, the body can straighten up, relax, release, breathe a bit more and all those kind of things.

Pippa Sawyer: Yeah, yeah. It sounds wonderful, I mean what percentage of the population do you think would benefit if you could sign everybody up for a one-to-one session with you, what percentage of the UK do you think that you could help?

James Blacker: I don’t know, 98%, 95% maybe, something like that.

It’s interesting; I’ve got a note to say a story. I was in a short seminar a couple of years ago – somebody else’s, as part of a business day, somebody did an hour-long session, and this lady asked a room of 20 people; ‘How many of the people in that room considered that they had wellbeing?’ And nobody else did, literally nobody.

And this actually was a room of reasonably high-achievers, so there were ex-headmasters, council workers, and most of the rest of the people were those who ran their own business. So that’s quite astonishing and that was pre-Covid.

So I think we have a sort of superficial, physical view of the world and society functioning and such like, but actually underneath it’s quite… there’s a lack of wellbeing, it’s quite dysfunctional and problematic.

Pippa Sawyer: Is it a British thing, James?

James Blacker: No, no, it’s not. No, if you think back into history, if you think of the centuries that we’ve had, we’ve had the Victorian era, and then we had the war era, and so there was a lot of trauma there, and so humanity’s never really got – yet – to a point where people are being brought up in a state of unconditional love, and allowed to express all of their aspects of themselves without judgement.

So we’re kind of… we might get to a point over the next four years or something like that where that comes in a bit more, but no, it’s certainly not just a British thing.

Pippa Sawyer: Is that the seat of everything, then, being brought up with unconditional love?

James Blacker: Yeah, pretty much, because the old cliché is whether you’re brought up with money or not. But actually because we see people who were brought up with money who are successful, and people who are brought up with money who are a mess. And we see people who are brought up in poverty who are successful, and we see people who are brought up in poverty who are a mess. Then that’s not necessarily the most important factor.

But actually, if we’re allowed to be ourselves in every way then that’s a great freedom to give a child growing up.

And the opposite of that is… essentially what we’re talking about is what Carl Jung called ‘Shadow Baggage’, where you have to deny parts of yourself.

So if you have a lot of that it’s been kind of said to be like trying to climb a ladder when you’ve got a broken arm.

Pippa Sawyer: Yeah. Yeah. James, tell us about the book, is it out now?

James Blacker: Yeah, the book’s been out since last September. It’s called ‘Kissing Consciousness: Inviting in a World Beyond Self-Judgement’, and it’s available from about 6,000 stores worldwide, online, in Kindle and paperback format.

Pippa Sawyer: Okay, and obviously we’re not going to have you on the other end of a Zoom or sitting across from us in a room, so is this a step-by-step guide to unlocking the things that are constricting us? How is the book formatted?

James Blacker: Yeah, yeah absolutely, well actually I did a Stockholm seminar back in Sweden a few years ago and I realised that after a good event the energy just goes away, just naturally, because it does, people go home.

And so I needed a book, and also I’ll be doing facilitator training so that people can carry on the stuff even when I’m not here.

Now the book goes through ‘The Power of Love’ and explains what that is. Then it explains these two states that we’ve been talking about; Love Consciousness and Fear Consciousness, i.e. self-acceptance and self-constriction.

Then in the next chapter it goes into the tools and how you get rid of that. And then finally in the last three chapters, applying that to three things I talk about; money and body and relationships.

Pippa Sawyer: Fascinating. James, it’s been a delight to chat to you this morning.

I first interviewed James eight years ago back in another life, so it’s great to see you looking so healthy and being successful and thank you for talking to us this morning, it’s a fascinating topic, and one we could talk about for… well all day, actually, but the book is out now, it’s called ‘Kissing Consciousness’ and you’ll find James Blacker on social media and on LinkedIn and various other platforms. Do you have your own website, James?

James Blacker: Yeah, KissingConsciousness.com. It comes up on Google because it’s such a strange name.

Pippa Sawyer: Lovey. Okay, KissingConsciousness.com. James, thanks very much for joining me this morning.

James Blacker: Thanks, Pippa. Nice to speak to you again.

Related Links

Can a Dating Coach Save You Time and Money?

Tuesday, May 25th, 2021

People like to take a romantic view of relationships, but if we pause that for a moment and look at the cold, hard facts, we can see that a Dating Coach can conceivably help you save a great deal of time and money.

Apart from the happiness a relationship can bring, it also brings shared bills! If you are two people sharing rent or mortgage, plus all other household bills, that might easily be saving you £5,000 to £10,000 per year. So the difference between taking one year to find a partner and taking three years to find a partner might be £10,000 to £20,000. If a relationship is the difference between needing to rent and being able to buy, it could be much more.

Then consider what cost a failed relationship is in years (and heartache – and lost youth opportunity). Choose an unsuitable relationship and it could cost you ten years! In addition to the time the relationship itself takes, there is also the time of the recovery period afterwards. You probably don’t want to go five years and then find you have irreconcilable differences as to whether you want children.

Compared to all that, £1,000 invested in knowing yourself, and what you want in a relationship, and in skills to assess other people’s suitability for the part could be considered a snip.

So all in all, a lot of valuable time – the years of our lives – and money is tied up in making good relationship decisions and related skills. The key is to find your own personal balance between discernment and speed, according to what is most important to you. Some people will naturally be more discerning than others.

Women’s Weekly Safe Space and Success Support Group

Tuesday, May 18th, 2021

Summary: The Kissing Consciousness Women’s Group call provides a safe space for women to get support for their lives and optionally address whatever may be most pressing for them. 

This call is hosted by Kissing Consciousness Founder, James Blacker, and is otherwise solely for women.

This weekly safe space call for women provides four or five key aspects, including;

  • An opportunity to share what’s currently most pressing for you in a completely safe (i.e. non-judgemental) environment
  • The option to just sit and listen if you don’t want to talk, and instead just let the positive energy pour over you
  • An optional focus on success, and by this we mean success born from a profound freedom – what’s true for you, not what others say ought to be your definition of success. Used as intended, this group is a touchstone of continuity for your ongoing goals and desires
  • The host’s deep wisdom and exceptionally astute skill for knowing when to use it. This includes use of The Kissing Consciousness Tool to invite the release of self-constrictions from both mind and body
  • And, of course, the value of communion, connection and potentially friendships with others

The energy of the call is one of lightness, unlimited opportunity and unconditional love. (Note: You’re allowed to feel like crap. The point is to come as you are, not think you have to be in a certain state. That would defeat the object! )

Participants Code of Conduct

There is always one main requirement of attending a Kissing Consciousness event, which is that if participants don’t wish to be actively supportive of other participants, and of the host, they are at least of a neutral attitude towards them, both in energy and in behaviour.

It is essential that this is observed, because of course the environment needs to be a safe space for everyone.

Kissing Consciousness, Potten End, Herts, HP4 2SH. United Kingdom

Tel: +44 2045 165091  Email:

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